Elvis Impersonator Beeston Weir

Ex-girlfriends i've upset today: 1
Arguments with man behind counter in shop today: 1
(Relatively successful then)

You will remember i was non-too enamoured with Derby in my previous review so it was with some trepidation that i once more hit the A52 yesterday and headed west to Pride Park. Don't worry, i'm not going to go off on one about the Women's FA Cup Final but i do wish the idiots who planned this new stadium a few years ago had given a thought to road access and car parking facilities for a few minutes before giving the builders the go ahead. Still, we did eventually get there and it only took us an hour and a bit (for a fifteen minute drive).

Anyway, i had to show you this photo. This was after the match (Arsenal won by the way - almost as unsurprising as the fact that the boys team lost to Man Utd tonight) and shows the awkward plight of the wheelchair bound press cameraman when he has to do his job on well watered grass. Try as he might, he could not keep up with the rest of the crew and each time he caught up with the little posse of celebrating players and got his camera ready they would break off and go and party in front of a different area of the stands. If only i'd thought to put it on video mode.....

Down at the Self Preservation Society today it was pretty full (in the loosest sense of the term). There was Martin and Ron (are they ever not there?), Ken who we met the other day (i wish he'd wear socks with his trainers and joggers combo), Darren who's one of the younger boys like myself (look, late thirties/early forties is young down there). Oh, and Barry was there too but he was putting a new roof on the building and only came in for a cuppa later on. It's his job by the way - we didn't draw lots to see who was going to put the felt on...

The other person there was a guy called Les who i hadn't seen before. Think Jerry in Pheonix Nights, Tony 'and Bully's special prize' Green in Bullseye or any former rock'n'roller still sporting a greying quiff and you will get the idea. A quip for every retort, a joke whenever there's a silence to fill and a vicious taunting of anyone who has the audacity to poke his head round the door means things never appear dull when Les is around. Sadly his lines could do with updating a little and his jokes are mainly rubbish but you can't have everything.

Once more chat got round to medical matters:
"...he's having his gall bladder out"
"Well you don't need that f***er anyway do you"
"Nah, like the appendix, waste of time"
....Slight pause....
"Like my prick"

You get the picture.